Clearly I spoke too soon!

I haven't blogged for a while because I was so damn sick. By Wednesday I was sure that I could see the light at the end of the tunnel. The nausea had been minimal and for that I was grateful. But I wasn't at all prepared for what was waiting around the corner.

When my nurse gave me my white blood cell injection she told me that I may feel a little achy ... something similar to being an old lady. I thought to myself .... this I can handle ... what's a little achy. Well, little it was not! By Wednesday night, I was contemplating suicide. Every bone in my body was killing me! I was in so much pain that I couldn't sleep, drink, eat, or walk. I tossed and turned all night, finally switching beds with Mikeala at 3:40 a.m. I thought maybe if I listened to a mediation CD all my troubles would disappear. No such luck!

By 9:00 a.m. Thursday, I paged my nurse. My pain was unbearable and had now become, in my opinion, a medical emergency. When she called me back she wasn't at all surprised about my pain ... apparently this is a normal side effect with the injection ... because ... get this ... my bone marrow is being stretched. Stretched! Well, that explains a thing or two. She recommended that I take regular Tylenol for the pain and if that didn't work they'd bumped it up to Tylenol 3. Thankfully, the Tylenol worked.

Once the pain was under control, I was able to get some sleep, think rationally, and stop crying. Today, was the first day that I actually made it out of bed. So in honour of making it down the stairs I washed all my floors!

Climbing up the mountain

Well, round two is over ... thank God that's done. Yesterday went well but the chemo seemed to take forever. The last time I went the red devil drug ran through the IV in about 15 mins this time it was more like 35 mins. According to the nurses, it was dripping wonderfully and they didn't want to adjust it. So who am I to argue?

In all the commotion of getting the IV and prescriptions, I had a melt down for all to see. Last week, the melt down took place in a lovely bathroom stall at the Cancer Centre. My emotions, particularly fear, appear and disappear at any given time. At times, all the appointments, needles, pills, nausea, fatigue, etc. etc. get the best of me. And, yesterday was no different!

We wrapped things up at the hospital around 5:15 p.m. and started to make our way home. So far, our routine has been pretty much the same ... mom comes with me and then we head to my house, dad comes by ... and then everybody hangs out with me until I'm feeling OK. Last night everyone stayed later since the nurse was visiting to give me hydration. She came by around 8:30 p.m., set everything up, got the IV running without a problem, showed me how to unhook the tubing, and then offered me a shot for nausea. I gladly accepted ... but holy mother God it hurt like a SOB. There was a little swearing involved!

I'm expecting another visit today for hydration and the white blood cell count injection. I'm opting for the shot in my butt and not in my arm ... hopefully it will hurt less!

So far the hydration seems to be working for the nausea. I feel pretty good ... tired and a little nauseous but totally manageable. I've only been able to eat a few soda crackers ... Ginger Ale has become my best friend.

Round two!

At 3:00 p.m. I will be sitting in the Ottawa Cancer Centre getting my second round of chemo, hopefully. Since my white blood cell count was borderline last week there is a chance that my chemo will be postponed. And, to make matters worse, I started a cold over the weekend.

Even though I've been so careful with hand washing and staying out of public areas ... I still managed to get a cold. Imagine! I don't think the cold alone will affect my chemo .... time will tell ... I'm heading to the hospital at around 9 a.m. for my blood work.

Surprisingly, I managed to sleep last night (without meds) with minimal interruptions. I even turned out the lights at 8:30 p.m.

Pills, pills, and more pills!

I've always been pro-medication but this is getting ridiculous! The amount of pills that I'm popping on a daily basis is bananas! The weeks that I'm not on chemo, I take on average 14 pills a day and when I am on chemo, I take over 20 pills a day. Then let's throw in a couple of injections, blood tests, a take-home IV, and the lovely intravenous chemo drugs. Enough!

I know it seems early in the game to be getting tired of all the meds but I am! When I'm in a good spiritual and emotional spot, I understand the need for the drugs and don't mind taking them. However, I've been a little more emotional the last couple of days ... partly because my next chemo treatment is right around the corner and partly because I'm PMS'ing.

I have more fear and anxiety about tomorrow then I did about my first chemo treatment (which means sleeping pill tonight). I guess it's because I have a pretty good idea of what to expect. Plus, I've been told that mouth sores and the famous metallic taste comes with the second treatment.

I'm pretty confident the hydration will help with the nausea but I'm definitely freaked out about the IV being lodged into my hand for a couple of days. When oh when is my port-a-cath going to be put in! Once I have it, I won't have to have an IV for chemo or hydration, or give blood from my arm. Of course, the whole idea of getting the port-a-cath put in under local anesthetic is a whole other story .... but I'll worry about that later. I have enough on my plate for today!

Woo hoo for private health insurance!

I am so grateful that I'm a public servant with a private health insurance! Today not only did I have an ultra sound appointment at 7:10 a.m., I also learned that I would need IV hydration and an injection to increase my white blood cells after each chemo treatment.

The hydration is pretty easy and should help with the nausea. Basically, all we need to do is keep the chemo IV in for a couple of extra days so my HomeCare nurse can come and hook me up to saline.

Now, the neutalus injection is a little different. Since my white blood cells, specifically my neutrophils, are low ... borderline according to Dr. Y ... this injection (given the day after chemo) will boost my white blood cell count. And seeing that my HomeCare nurse will already be at my house, she'll give me the injection (thank God cause I don't think I could give myself a needle). She'll probably give it to me in my hip or butt. So far so good ... until I found out the cost ... get ready ... it's crazy ... $2,600 per injection!

It was at this moment that gratitude kicked in. My insurance will pay for 80% ... good good ... but that still leaves $520 (every 3 weeks). Please! I can't even go there! Thankfully my nurse told me about the Victory Program. Victory will pay the remaining 20%. So the bottom line is the injection is 100% covered. I will only be responsible for the 80% up front cost until my insurance company reimburses me.

Now, if I could just get SunLife to expedite there health claims process I'd be laughing!

My new look

Although I like my wig, this is how it normally looks ...

Au naturelle ...
I'm most comfortable in a hat ... this one's my fav! So if you were to see me on the street ... chances are this is how I'd look.

I haven't gone out in public with my wig ... I'm a little self-conscious.

My sleeping hat ... looks goofy but it's really comfy!

Not impressed with 1st visit to Emergency!

Yesterday was a bad day. I was whipped from all the previous night's activities. Tuesday night I only got about two hours of sleep. Adjusting to wearing a sleep hat is easier than it sounds! I would over heat and undress and then five minutes later be freezing ... hot ... cold ... hot ... cold that was the pattern. By 3:30 a.m. I was so pissed off that I just stayed up. Needless to say I wasn't exactly a peach Wednesday!

My spirits and emotions just got worse as the day progressed. I was so tired and weak that I could barely get out of bed. And by mid-afternoon, the chills had set it. My doctor, PND, and HomeCare nurse have all talked to me about the magic number .... 38. If my temperature reaches 38, it's a medical emergency and I have to present myself to Emergency.

I monitored my temperature for a couple of hours .... up .... down .... up .... down. And, then at 6:30 p.m. the magic number appeared ... and stayed. I called HomeCare and she reiterated what I knew ... go to Emergency.

So I semi-reluctantly went to the hospital. I did, however, have a little peace knowing that as a cancer patient on chemo I'm considered a medical emergency I go to the top of the list. I was also told that I would not have to wait in the waiting room with the rest of the cattle.

Sadly, the Emergency Department didn't get the memo from the Cancer Centre. Not only did I wait in the waiting room I was there for almost seven hours. By the time we (mom, dad, and Mikeala) got to the hospital, my temperature had regulated itself ... and I wanted to leave. The nurse was adamant that I needed to stay and at least have blood work (so they can check my levels). Sounded reasonable so I agreed but told her that I would leave right after to blood test. She assured me that the waiting for the blood test would only be a few minutes.

One hour and chest x-ray later and still no blood work. Then my nurse spotted me (pretty hard to miss me since I looked that a smurf) - shocked that I hadn't had the blood work, she decided to take matters into her own hands. She took my blood (a million tubes ... and I'm not kidding) .... I felt light-headed and like I'm going to throw up ... so far the night was not going as planned. Then my lovely nurse pulled a fast one on me and hooked me up to an IV for fluids. That was her way of keeping me at the hospital!

Wait .... wait ... wait ... finally I got a closet in the back .... now it's 10 p.m. .... wait ... wait ... wait. Now let's no forget I'm a medical emergency. A nurse came in to check me out, asked for a urine sample, and then vanished into thin air but not before saying, "the doctor should be in shortly, there are only two patients ahead of you."

Well, the doctor did come in but not until after 1 a.m. Basically, the chest x-ray and urine were clear, and my blood counts were good (only one was up a little). So I had two options: 1) stay in the hospital over night so they can give me antibiotics intravenously; or 2) go home with oral antibiotics. The doctor recommended that I go home since they had nowhere to put me and by staying in Emergency over night I could run to risk of getting sicker.

By 2 a.m., armed with a couple of prescriptions, the Davis clan was off ...

Hair today ... gone today!

Well, it's done! I'm semi-bald ... it looks like a crew cut. As the morning progressed so did my hair loss. First thing this morning, it was falling out strand by strand ... by 10 a.m. it was coming out in clumps. So there was no waiting. I called the hairdresser and by 1 p.m. I was sitting in her chair.

Before heading out, I decided to get a little dressed up. I wore a skirt, cute top, and great brown boots. I even put on make up. I have to admit I was looking pretty good for someone who was going to get their had shaved.

All and all it was too bad. I was pretty nervous. The receptionist was sweet. She sat and chatted with me for a bit and then brought me a cup of coffee (I didn't even ask if it was decaf - I didn't care!). Then the owner came in and got down to business. She starting by cutting my hair really short followed by a shampoo, head massage, and then clippers. It only took a few minutes before it was all done. She then pulled out my wig, did a few cuts, and I was on my way. The wig looks great but my head is just too itchy for it today.

By 1:40 p.m. I was in my car headed home to pick up my gym stuff. So I guess I did have time for my hair to fall out after all.

Today's the day ... whether I like it or not!

I'm grateful yet scared. On Sunday night (a.k.a the eve of day 14) I slept like crap. Every time I feel asleep, I dreamt of waking up bald. So that I opted to stay awake and watch the Gilmore Girls. By 4:30 a.m., I was doing laundry and washing floors.

In the afternoon I even had Mikeala do a "hair pulling test" and everything was good. My hair was right where it was supposed to be. I thought maybe just maybe the hair loss side effect would skipped right over me. As I got ready to celebrate Mikeala and Chris' b-day at Sara's house, I decided to go the extra mile and I flat ironed my hair. Finally after weeks of wearing my hair in a ponytail it was finally starting to look good (minus to 2-inch roots).

Last night I put the hair loss crisis out of my mind and slept like a baby. And then wham! This morning my hair is falling out. Every time I run my hands through my hair (which is often), hair falls out. The girls said it would fall out in clumps ... it's not ... it's more like a couple of strands at a time. So it that hair loss or normal? I don't know! I know that I'm obsessing about it but I can't help it. Mikeala thinks I'm overreacting ... let's shave her head and she how she feels! I know I can't avoid it but I'd really like to!

I really don't have time for this today. I have million things on my to do list: meet with my trainer; physiotherapy appointment; run to the bank; walk the dog; clean the house; and get groceries. Where am I going to fit in head shaving?

Dilemma imminent

According to the BC ladies that have come before me, I am expected to lose my hair 14 days after me first chemo treatment. And, if I do the math that's Monday - Monday, February 16th - Family Day! This is terribly inconvenient ... especially considering everything will be closed!

I've been preparing for this day since long before my treatments started. I'm ready. I've bought the wig, shampoo and conditioner, scalp treatment, scarfs, and hats. I'm totally organized. There's just one little problem .... I'm supposed to call the hairdresser as soon as my hair starts to fall out so that she can shave my head, give me a scalp treatment and massage, and fit my wig. How in the world am I going to do that with Family Day in the way?

The BC ladies have advised me not to wait. Apparently our hair falls out in clumps and the whole experience can be quite traumatizing. One of the signs of hair loss is a tingly scalp. Got it! My scalp is achy and it's as though I can feel each strand of hair. I know my days are numbered!

Hair loss has been one of my biggest fears. I'm a girl and don't really want to be bald ...especially since I've been trying to grow my hair for the last 6 months. One of my girlfriend suggested that maybe I should shave my head before it starts to fall out. It's a great idea .... for someone else! I know that I'm going to lose my hair ... but what if I don't? What if I'm that one in a million chemo patients ... taking the red devil (drug that causes hair loss) ... that doesn't lose their hair. I know that it's extremely unlikely but I just have to wait until it falls out a little before taking the plunge.

Desire to shop is now gone!

Who knew that bra shopping could be so fun? Two bras, one prosthesis, and one tank top for only $600. My experience was so great that the price didn't even bother me.

On Wednesday in between my appointments, I decided to check out Kelly's Mastectomy Boutique. The shop was beautiful. It is large, spacious, and decorated in warm colours. Diane, the owner, spent at least an hour with me. She was fantastic! We laughed, we cried, and then hugged goodbye.

Diane's inspiration for the shop was her sister-in-law Kelly. Kelly was a young mother and wife when she was diagnosed with BC. She was only 31 years old. After a strong and courageous battled Kelly passed away two years later. Diane and several of her siblings got tattoos in Kelly's honour - the Chinese symbols of strength and courage with the breast cancer logo. I was so moved by Kelly's story that I was crying in no time.

Diane and I spoke of the "journey" and the "lessons" we are taught by having breast cancer. I am still shocked at the love and support I get from total strangers. Take for example my support group, I don't know these women and they don't know me - yet we truly care about each other. And, when we wish each other well, we really mean it. I feel totally comfortable sharing my biggest fears with these women because I know they know how I feel.

Before I left, Diane asked if I would be interested in modelling the merchandise. I hesitated ... and then decided ... what the heck ... you only live once. Plus, it's the first and probably the last time I'll be asked to model lingerie. I think it could be fun ...

Having cancer is a full-time job

Between appointments with my oncologist, radialogist, surgeon, homecare nurse, bone scans, blood work, echo test (heart scan) and trips to the gym there is litte time for fun. Today, I have two appointments - Surgeon and Endocrinologist (thyroid specialist). Yes, in addition to BC, I'm also having issues with my thyroid. Apparently it's hyper-active ... it's definitely the only part of me that's hyper these days!

My appointment with Dr. C (Surgeon) will be quick and easy. He'll look at the incison, check the mobility in my affected arm, see how I'm feeling, and then send me on my way. Since I'm his first appointment of the day, there is will no waiting.

My appointment with the Endocrinologist may be longer. This is our first rendez-vous! I'm a little stressed out about this appointment because I don't know what the treatment is .... and quick frankly chemo is all I can handle right now! My family doctor insisted that I keep this appointment (I've been putting it off since mid-December) because the scans indicate that the thyroid function was turning towards Graves Disease. Charming another disease!

So for fun today, I decided to take the plunge and go bra shopping. The time has come to buy a proper bra - I can't wear sports bras forever! There are a couple of speciality shops in Ottawa for women who have had a mastectomy. I've been to one and now I'm going to try the other. The first shop has nice but I litte overwhelming because it sell all types of lingerie - not just for BC women. From what I understand, the other shop sells only products for BC women ... which means I don't have to be shy around the other customers. I'm becoming a little more comfortable with my chest but I'm definitely still self-conscious.

Shopping on the brain

You know I'm starting to feel better when all I can think about is shopping ... specifically ... the Rideau Centre ... and more specifically ... Lulu Lemon and R & W Co. Since I have little use for new work clothes R & W is taking a back seat to my Lulu Lemon obsession.

There are a couple of snags with this obsession .... money ... and crowds. My nurses have been very clear in stating that I am to stay away from large crowds. One of the examples they used to drive their message home was malls. I guess that means Rideau Centre is out!

And if I was to be totally honest with myself, I don't need any new clothes. I have a tone of workout pants, shirts, hoodies, shoes, and headbands ... and ... many of them sport the Lulu Lemon logo! So, no shopping and no Lulu Lemon! Plus, I'm trying to be wise with my money (this is a new concept for the Davis girls) since I will be collecting short-term disability soon.

Although I'm feeling like a new and improved woman, I still get tired very quickly and need to nap often. That said, I will rest this morning and then meet with my lovely trainer this afternoon.

Nibs + new gadget + sunshine = run

Now I know my math isn't the greatest but according to my calculations if you eat junk food before noon and run after noon the exercise counts and the junk food doesn't! There's nothing like a new gadget and a nice sunny day to get my feet moving. To inspire me to take part in some form of cardio this weekend, my trainer sent me home with a heart rate monitor and digital watch ... and it worked!

After pigging out on nibs at the movies this morning, I came home and went for a 30-minute run. The weather is especially nice today so I thought what the heck. I tried to encourage Mikeala to join me but she was having no part of it.

I can't believe what a difference a couple of days has made. Just last Wednesday I thought I was dying and today I'm running. I'm going to try and hold on to this moment when I'm having anxiety about my next round of chemo.

Breaking free!

That's right ... after almost a week of being couped up in my house, I'm heading out! I'm going to try and pull myself away from the Gilmore Girls and have a little fun. Kathy and I are going to see He's really not into you at 10:00 a.m. Pressumably, there won't be too many people at the movie.

From now on I have to be mindful of germs. According to my nurse, 7 - 10 days after chemo, my white blood cell count starts to go down ... which means ... I can't fight off infections. It's been easy up to now since I really haven't ventured too far. I also need to start taking my temperature regularly. If my temperature goes up 1 degree I need to call my Primary Designated Nurse (PDN) ... and if this happens on the weekend I need to report to Emergency. Having a fever is very serious for chemo patients.

The nausea is gone and my appetite is back!! I'm already planning my lunch. Since I've hardly eaten any fruits (besides bananas) or vegetables in a week, I going to pick up a salad (and maybe a veggie pizza) from Lorenzo's. I'm very excited!

Bye bye Vera

Until now, I've always been a big fan of scents whether it be mango body butter or my beloved Vera Wang perfume. However since getting chemo, my sense of smell has come to life ... big time.

Based on the Pychology course I took last semester at U of O, our most powerful sense is "sight" and if two of our senses were to compete "sight" would always win! Well, I'm here to tell you a different story.

There must be something in my chemo cocktail (image ... a cocktail ... I seem to remember cocktails as being yummy!) that has tripped off my smell sensory. I smell everything and everything smells yucky.

The rules of the game have changed in our house. Mikeala now has to put on her Channel perfume outside, I can no longer feed the cat, making Lilly's food is touch and go, and God forbide that I smell cigarette smoke .... I may puke on the spot.

This heightened sense of smell isn't just for everyone around me ... it's for me too! I normally use Old Spice liquid soap in the shower, followed up with some lime coconut body butter, gel and hairspray (this will not be an issue soon), and then perfume. Everything I own is scented! So let me get this straight, not only does chemo make me sick ... it's also costs me money!

On a more positive note, I met with my trainer yesterday and our session was a success. Based on the study group that I'm in, my workouts are pretty short. I'm only required to do 22 minutes of cardio three times a week and my heart rate must be in the "fat burning" zone. Since 22 minutes isn't very challenging, not only am I going to the gym today but I'm also going to attend a Step class with my other BC-lady friends.

Nausea please go away!

I know that I've just started chemo but when ... when I ask ... will I start to feel better? I'm really not used to hanging out in bed. Although I have always enjoyed early nights or day long rests in bed, it's always been a choice. Being in bed this past four days has not been a choice!

I've questioned everyone I know who has had a chemo or who has known someone who has had it about side effects. According to my informal focus testing, the nausea usually lasts 3 to 5 days after chemo. I've also learned that the side effects get worse as you go through the treatments. Mouth sores normally appear after the second treatment. Lovely! So much to look forward to!

Thankfully the movies, food, and even dog sitting keep on coming. I feel guilty that I can't make dinner, clean the house, or take Lilly for nice long walks. I don't want to expect Mikeala to do everything. She is, after all, only a teenager and we all know how teenagers are!

Today, I am scheduled to start working out with my trainer. My appointment is at 9:00 a.m. I'd like to go. Right now, I'm nursing an herbal peppermint tea ... and so far ... so good. So, if all goes well after my smoothie, it's off to the gym.

Is it wrong to eat frozen yogurt at 3:00 a.m.?

Yup. That's right not only was I awake and kicked out of my own bed, I was eating frozen yogurt in the middle of the night. Mikeala, Lilly, and Patches have taken to sleeping with me since the night before my first chemo treatment. It's driving me nuts!! Lilly is bad enough ... she hogs the bed and the blankets ... and she's a 21-pound dog for the love of God! But Mikeala well, that's another story! Sleeping with her is liking sleeping with an adult-sized fish ... meaning she's moves around like a fish out of water ... and snores ... and talks! After being slapped a few times, I finally moved out of my room and into her's ... but Lilly followed. So, there I was watching Lost and eating frozen yogurt in the middle of the night.

When my nurse visited yesterday, she suggested that I eat frozen yogurt (with Ensure and fruit) smoothies since I don't really have much of an appetite. I'm all over that! Finally, someone was given me permission to eat frozen yogurt for breakfast! I'm trying to eat but the nausea makes it difficult. She also suggested six little meals instead of three biggies. I'm lucky if I get 2 little meals into me.

Last night Caroline dropped off Phoo and spring rolls (not the deep fried ones) for Mikeala and I. And, man oh man was it delicious ... nausea was not stopping me from eating last night. I even thought of hiding Mikeala's portion (since she was working), but decided that that may not be very kind.

Today, is my Stepping Stones class (support group for BC chicks) and I'm hoping the nausea will settle down a little so that I can go. I find that I get a lot of support from the other women, especially about exercise, food, emotions, and hair loss.

HomeCare saved my can!

After getting home from chemo yeserday, I felt pretty good. I was a little tired but that was to be expected with all the emotions I was feeling. I had a nice chat with Sara and even sang songs with Ayla.

I spent the afternon wrap up in bed with water, crackers, yogurt, and Lost. So far so good! And, then the nausea started .... I wasn't expecting it to come on so soon! I was anxiously waiting for 5:00 p.m. to roll around so that I could take my meds ... when the phone rang. It was HomeCare calling to check up on me and set up a visit for today. I told her how I was feeling and she recommended that I take the "fast-acting" pill followed by the "normal" one in 45 mins. Okey dokey, she's knows best!

Once Mikeala got from school, she took to being my nurse quite nicely .... bringing me water, tea and taking my temperature. Then she plopped in my bed and crash out! I was so jealous ... why is that teenagers can fell asleep in two seconds flat? Then my mom and dad pop in for moral support and to organize my pills .... I had seven prescriptions to fill .... most of the pills are for nausea!

By 9:00 p.m. I was sleeping nicely. I woke up a few times to use the washroom but that's to be expected since I'm drinking a tone of water.

Here's hoping today is nausea free!

New trial?

Nope. Nada. No thanks.

As I sat not so patiently waiting for my name to be called for chemo, I ran into my Oncologist who said, "hi, I was just looking for you ... can I talk to you?". I almost had a heart attack. In the two seconds that it took to grab my mom, a million rotten thoughts raced through my mind. Thankfully it was nothing serious.

Dr. Y wanted to talk to my about an international clinical trial that was just starting for breast cancer patients. He spoke about the trial, the side effects, and then mentioned the bleep ... if I decided to be a part of this study, my chemo would be push back 2 weeks. My answer was easy ... nope! I had prepared my myself for today ... and today it would be!

I arrived at the chemo waiting room at about 9:50 a.m. It was packed. There was actually a line up to register. I was overwhelmed by the number of cancer patients. After signing in, I had to take a moment to gather my thoughts and have a quick cry in the bathroom. I still have days that I can't believe I too am a cancer patient.

The actual chemo treatments wasn't too bad. My nurse was amazing! She explained each of the drugs and possible side effects. She brought me warm packs for my IV arm and a nice warm blanket. I even got to witness a man "ringing the bell" ... he had just had his last chemo treatment ... the whole room clapped. It was wonderful!

Did I actually sleep?

I can't believe I slept last night. Does this mean I've accepted BC or that I'm just exhausted? I know that acceptance is the key ... and I'm trying ... but I still slip in and out of it. I remember sleeping pretty well before the sugery too.

I don't remember what time I fell asleep last night ... but I was watching Lost. And thankfully, I only woke up 3 or 4 times during the night. At one point Lilly was cuddled right into me with her head on the pillow.

Of course, as per usual, I was up at 5:00 a.m. However, I did mind being up so early today. I still needed to complete the fitness survey, finish making my squash soup, and make muffins. Check ... check ... check.

Now, all that's left is to have a shower, wake up the peanut, pack my bag for the gym and chemo (with snacks and water), and take my anti-nausea medications. Must not forget the meds! These pills are supposed to be the bomb for nausea ... they had better be ... $116. for three pills! Good thing I have insurance.

Pre-chemo photos ...

Good stock?

Studies indicate that cancer is hereditary. I'm not sure if that's the case for all cancers but it is for BC. My family knows this fact first hand.

Six years ago, my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. She too had chemotherapy, radiation, and one another "state-of-the-art" procedure (brachi .... blah ... blah). My mom was a trooper through all her treatments. I don't ever remember her crying or getting angry (she may have done this in private). Of course, I only went to one of her chemo treatments ... and was politely asked not to come back. I didn't much enjoy watching my mom get her treatment ... I was so scared. My anxiety was through the roof, which had a domino affect on my mom. Needless to say, I didn't escort her to the Cancer Centre again! I am reminded everyday that today my mom is healthy.

Since I am not married and don't have a partner, my family and close friends have become my rocks. They have helped with everything from driving me to appointments to bringing us food to talking to Mikeala. I don't know where I'd be without their support.

I feel very fortunte to have my mom's knowledge and support (and the rest of my family) during this scary time. I'm probably more scared of the treatments then the fact that I actually have BC. My dad reminds me, "that come from good stock and chemo is doable". And, while I mostly agree with him ... how good is this stock really?! We both got it! But I can't think that way ... I need to try and focus on the positives ... my mom is living proof.

From what I read, people refer to having BC as a spiritual journey. I'm not quite there. Although I have had many gifts since being diagnosed, I haven't been enlighted yet.