Still feeling minor effects of my last chemo

All and all I feel pretty good. This last chemo was by far the best ever - I had absolutely no bone pain (thanks to acupuncture) or nausea. But the fatigue is definitely alive and well and I'm moving at snail's pace.

I was so anxious to be done chemo that I may have over done it a bit last week. The day after chemo I went to the gym ... took it easy ... walked on the treadmill ... and then followed it up with 60 minutes of hot yoga. One class of hot yoga and I was hooked all over again. It felt great ... I could actually smell all the chemicals coming out of my pours (that was a little gross!). The next day I went back to hot yoga ... this time tackling a 90-minute class ... too much! I had to sit down for a few of the posses - I wasn't sure if I was going to pass out of throw up. I also took Lilly for a few very long walks. All this to say, I push it and pay for it. I spend most of my weekend either in bed or on the deck reading and relaxing. It's hard to remember that I have to take it easy ... I'm such a NOW girl!

Here are some photos of the big event ....
Mikeala and I cuddled up under my very warm blanket. As part of my treatment, I had to wear ice mitts on my hands and feet. Mikeala thought this was pretty funny!

Preparing to put my hands in the ice mitts!

Ringing the bell!

Still ringing the bell. I was a little disappointed that it wasn't louder!

Wrench in our plans!

Sadly, our beach vacation is on hold. Mikeala and I were hoping to go to Cuba or the Dominican Republic for a well-deserved break from cancer in June. However between Dr.'s appointments, Mikeala's exams, and radiation looks like we'll have to wait until August before jet-setting anywhere.

Of course, I tried to push my radiation back by a couple of weeks but my Radiation Oncologist was having nothing to do with my plan. She insisted that I start my radiation on June 15th. So June 15th it is. We're still considering going away for a weekend but it doesn't seem worth it without the ocean! Plus I can't drive anywhere too far or go anywhere that requires sight seeing ... I get tired so quickly! Laying on a beach with a good book is about all I can handle these days.

The idea of going to an all-inclusive is right up my alley - no cooking, cleaning, thinking, or planning ... just show up and relax! So, we'll be the two Canadians girls flying down south in the middle of August.

Done. Finito.

It's done! My visits to the Ottawa Cancer Centre for chemotherapy treatments are over! I finally rang the bell. It was both wonderful and emotional. I was very fortunate to have my mom, Mikeala, and two special visitors - my sister and girlfriend Tammy - with me this morning.

Of course, getting to the hospital this morning was a treat. We were running way behind schedule. Don't ask me how this happened considering I was up at 5:00 a.m. We finally piled our butts in the car at 7:55 a.m. - I had an appointment at 8:00 a.m. Needless to say, there was a tiny little bit of road rage. Why is it that every 75 year-old man needs to drive in front of me when I'm in a rush?

As usual, Mikeala and I were running late.
So this is me getting my scarf on on the run.

Using the car window as a mirror.


And done. Ready to hit the road!

Un autre dodo!

Normally, Mikeala and I count down our sleeps before our vacations but somehow this count down seems so much more important. In roughly fifteen hours I will be having my last (God willing) chemo treatment!

Between taking my steroids late, anxiety, and excitement it is highly unlikely that I will sleep tonight. It seems like I've been waiting for the end since before the beginning. And to celebrate the end of this chapter, Mikeala and my mom will be standing next to me as I rang the Victory Bell. I would have all my friends and family with me if they'd allow it but I somehow doubt they want a crowd. I'm really only allowed one visitor in the chemo room but I figure I've been pretty compliant up until now ... so it's time to break the rules ... really ... what are they going to do ... kick me out!!

Tomorrow will be both busy and emotional. We have a very early start. I have to be at the Cancer Centre at 8:00 a.m. for blood work, then to the pharmacy to have a couple of prescriptions refilled, including my steroids (I have to take a couple before chemo ... of course I need more ... so I have line up a new prescription with Dr. Y first thing). Then it's off to the gym for a quick run before heading to the chemo room at 9:30 a.m. Of course before we head out the door, Miss Lilly will need to be feed and walked ... and the laundry will need to be folded and put away. Good thing I won't sleep tonight ... I have too much to do!!

The power of a group

As most of you know when I was first diagnosed with BC I joined a support group through the Cancer Centre called Stepping Stones. Once the program was over, my group continued to meet. I have found the women to be very kind, loving, and help. Plus be laugh our guts out! Our meetings are a blast, we rotate between house and spend most of our time catching up on every one's treatments, fears, latest test results, and eating yummy treats. But before we dig into the treats, we read either a prayer or a reflection to help remind us that we are strong and that God (or a Higher Power) is with us. Last week's reflection really touched me so I thought I'd pass it along.

Lately God seems to be filling my pool an inch deeper than I am tall. But I've made a startling discovery while treading water. This storm raging across my bow has the power to push me out of the pool and into uncharted territory. It can strip away my comfort, ground my best laid plans and capsize my flimsy little boat. But it does not have the power to capsize me! The rock I am clinging to does not shift when the wind blows. And, thank God, I am still able to choose my outlook. My outlook can determine whether this experience is painful or profitable. My attitude can help me see that my problem isn't really the problem. It is the way I look at it! Could it be that I need to let go of the things I cannot change and focus on the one thing I CAN.

Sounds a bit like the Serenity Prayer:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
The courage to change the things I can;
And the wisdom to know the difference.

I cannot tell you how many times I have said the Serenity Prayer since being diagnosed. I especially used it each time I was on the operating table!

Getting through the system is often very frustrating!

After being ignored and then bounced around between my family doctor and the Cancer Centre, I'm finally going to see my Oncologist about my groin issue. Neither my nurse or the triage Oncologist believed that my latest issue is related to cancer .... interesting! After two days of pissing around, they finally recommended that see my family doctor. Sadly, my doctor (who I love), has no idea what the bump is ... well actually ... it's not a bump ... it's a tubal something something. Possibly a swollen blood vessel ... given my history could be another blood clot.

Since it's faster to have blood work and medical tests done at the Cancer Centre, my family doctor recommended that I go back to my Oncologist. Funny ... cause that's what I wanted to do in the first place!

So it looks like I'll be spending my afternoon at the Cancer Centre!!

How much can one household endure ... really?!

I have definitely had my share of meltdowns since being diagnosed with breast cancer last November but overall I think my spirits have been relatively positive (although my sister would disagree). Even when filled with fear, I have continued to put one foot in front of the other. And, there's been a lot of reasons to be fearful. I definitely have not sailed through chemo. In addition to dealing with the regular side effects, I have had to deal with some weirder ones too (blot clot) ... as Dr. Y said last week "Tracey has thrown us some curb balls". Yeah someone can relate!

It seems that every week it's something. And, this week is no different! A couple of days ago I noticed two painful lumps in my groin area. I suspect that it's swollen lymph nodes ... which means ... I'm trying to fight off something. LOVELY! I feel pretty good ... no fever, no symptoms of a cold or flu, just really really tired (another side effect). And, on top of that my face is super red and dry and there are a couple of area near my moth where it looks like I have a burn. GREAT now it's affecting my face!! So I paged my nurse yesterday and reported my new issues, she promised to get back to me after chatting with Dr. Y. No call back! I know they're busy but for the love of God ... call me back so that I can put it out of my mind and get some bloody rest!

Just to make matters worse ... yesterday Mikeala was injured in her third rugby game. Third game ... second injury ... this one worse than the first. So it was off to CHEO. Well, as you can image CHEO is packed and the nurse advised me not to stay. I reluctantly left Mik there with a couple of team mates ... but by the time I got home I was so filled with guilt ... I had a meltdown and pretty much turned around I picked her up again. It's an awful feeling to think that you're not able to take care of your kid. It's in these moments I wish I had a husband! So off we go to a clinic in Orleans. Since I suspect we'll be there for the long haul, I pack all my injection stuff.

We finally see the Dr. and it looks like Mikeala has sprained her knee and the muscle behind it. So it's Tylenol 2s, rest, and a referral to a Sports Medicine clinic. Her rugby career is not over but she's definitely on the side lines for a couple of weeks.

I believe!

I've always been a little iffy about holistic medicine .... until now! After my shot from hell, Beth, my lovely physiotherapist, did a little acupuncture and acupressure on some key "pain" areas. She offered no guarantees that it would relieve the bone pain but at this point I'd stand on my head if I thought it would help!

I'm happy to report that my bone pain is minimal and totally manageable. As a matter of fact, I've only taken Tylenol extra strength. And trust me, I was totally prepared to take morphine (even though it wasn't very helpful the last time). Another little trick that I've tried this time around is sleeping pills. I normally don't sleep very the chemo week (partly due to bone pain) ... so this week sleeping pills have become my bedtime cocktail ... what a beautiful invention! I'm actually sleeping for five-to-six hours.

Last night I knew things were looking up when I agreed to go out for dinner with Caroline instead of getting take-out. Ever since I've been getting the Neulatus shot I've been pretty much in bed for a week in agony. However with Beth's magic touch I was out in public on day two! Yeah for acupuncture ... I'm definitely doing it again after my next chemo!